I’m in an interesting phase where I have settled down into this life and have become so comfortable that change makes me uneasy. I like to think I am spontaneous and wild but when I hit the raw truth, I am afraid of completely shaking things up and then regretting what joys I have now. My job makes me so happy. I work with friends and generally have a good time for something that would generally not be enjoyable. But it’s nothing future promising or going anywhere per say. Sometimes I hope things change out of my control so that it forces me to do something different. Deep down I envision my life to be completely choppy (awkward word but i felt it fit) in a way that I jump from career to career, from place to place always doing something different. I like this idea of not having a routine for the next 50 years of my life.
This year i am turning 20. The number freaks me out. It screams I am no longer young and get your shit together. Just the ‘teen’ label still lets me feel secure about being unsure about everything in my life. I have friends who are so sure of what they want. They are so smart about the future, making investments and god knows what else you could smartly do with money. But I have always thought that living in the present can be more important than living in the future. Of course this could come round and bite me in the ass when i wound up 30 and homeless.
At least I have 10 more months till that hideous number hits me completely so who knows, 10 months is plenty of time to be young, immature and ignorant of the future…
Wednesday January 11, 2012 at 23:21
Posted 4 months ago | 7 notes
